My journey out West began on a cold, rainy January morning.

10 years ago.

The day turned quickly into sleet, ice and sideways blowing snow. A blizzard.

10 years ago.

I moved over 1800 miles to be with the boy I loved.

10 years ago.

today.

e

My little 9 1/2 month old.

 He’s teething like a mother.

 See. SEE? There are FOUR teeth up there making their way down. First up. Big one on the right.

 But, WHEN will these puppies show up? He’s happy one minute, like above, and hurting the next, like below. It’s torture.

And, not just for me. For him. He can’t keep anything out of his mouth MORE than usual.

Well, he is still eating Play-Doh, dish washer detergent, old cheese bits, stickers, paper, “not clean” wipes, and now balls. I think the balls are for the teeth. The other? Just for shits and giggles.

I went to see the movie Milk this afternoon with hubs.

I walked out of that amazing story so disturbed. Not at the movie…..

30 years ago, the state of California voted NO on Prop 6 which basically kept gay people from getting fired from their jobs JUST FOR BEING GAY. (It also include those people who supported gay rights.) It was a HUGE step in human equality for its time.

30 years later, this same state, voted YES to keep these same gay people from marrying legally.

I am embarrassed at all this “evolving” we’re doing around here.

I could go on and on regarding this issue, but I’m too sad. Is this really how far we’ve come in 30 years?

e

When we first moved up to North California from LA, 3 1/2 years ago, the only phone company we could use was a local service. (what??) We didn’t have the option to put our cable/dsl/phone all on one bill, let alone one company.

So, we were split. Phone and DSL in one place, cable with Comcast. (the only option for cable.)

Then, our two year contract came up with our local phone service. We considered making our move to Comcast for all three services. We tried for a good month to get our phone switched over, but for some reason, our number wasn’t easy to release. (Such a freakin bugger!)

While dealing with these phone issues, we talked with the local phone company about their new cable service. Wouldn’t it be easier to stay with these people, and just move our cable over than go the opposite direction and move 2 services over to Comcast?

Yes, yes it was.

So, that is what we did.

And, we paid for it all year long.

After a truly painful year in the cable department, our 1-year contract is now up. (WOO HOO!) We have spent a lot of the past year not having the same cable luxuries as we did with Comcast. Their DVR was in its infant stage, (Whaaah!) their directory continued to freeze on us multiple times. (Shoot me!) It was quite frustrating to say the least.

What was a “great deal” putting all 3 services on one bill/one company, after time has cost us more in the long run. Those “3-months free” of this, “6 months at this price” of that, have all expired by now. Let’s just say we are currently paying an arm and a leg for the same thing we had a year ago at a much lower price. (Sob.)

We called the local service this weekend to see if there was something that could be done. Another deal, maybe? The deals they had were even worse than the ones that were offered last year. Shorter times, and even less savings. (great way to save customers and lure new ones!)

I went to the Comcast website. The 3-in-1 package was almost $100 cheaper. Now, I am sure there are a few hoops to jump threw and some taxes here and there, but HELLO?, we’re moving as soon as our number is up.

e

to stop to write about it.

But, isn’t that what we all struggle with? I mean, if you were to spend your entire day on the computer, (if you actually could) how in the hell are you supposed to live your life without missing out on something else? If I spent most of my time here, my kids would suffer, I would suffer and my husband would as well.

It really is a fine line we all walk on. A daily struggle, if you will.

I come here to write down my thoughts, share stories and photos of my family and sometimes actually have a writing gig that calls for a deadline. (kinda like, work.) I am glad I have this outlet just for me especially during these times while my children are quite young. It keeps me fresh, witty, (hopefully) and up-to-date on all the latest celebrity baby news. (hey, it could be worse.)

But, it takes a lot of planning to get the timing right. Currently as I type, my 3 1/2 yr old is swatting at the air trying to get my attention. I think he may not stop until his swatting hits something more concrete. And if it happens to be me, then he’s on his way to his room. So, this is a perfect case in point. This is probably not the best time to be online. But, when is?

When the baby is napping? He currently is, BUT I have another kid.

When they both go down in the afternoon? Ya, true, but I have other things to tackle and I do not just mean the dishes.

Like, the DVR. That is my “nap.” TV is soothing to me and I need it just as much as the kids need their downtime even if mine consists of only 20 minutes.

So, spending time on the computer would have to come once the kids are in bed. But, what about hubs? Unless we both are into watching meaningless tv AND on the computer, than that time is spent for just the two of us.

Anything later than that, I am in bed.

So, it’s a never-ending juggle. I am not complaining per say, but I am pointing out that this luxury I have, does have its place in my life and if I do try to spend too much time making my way to the end of the internet, for whichever reasons, then all of us are somewhat at a loss, it seems. How much time am I willing to spend at the expense of myself and other people?

I guess it will have to be a case by case basis. And on this note, I have to go get my son some more breakfast. It seems the cereal and banana and orange juice he already consumed were not enough.

It never ends, does it?

e

(for some reason hubs is having a hard time with the fact I am titling these posts with the word beaver. I, personally, think he needs to grow up.)

********

I went to the dentist today. That is about all I can categorize under my little nuggets section.

It has consumed me.

What’s weird is that the entire process was SEAMLESS. Not one bit of it hurt. Not the numbing shots, not the obnoxious vibration of the freaking drill, nothing. So, when the numbing irritation wore off, I was surprised to find my tooth throbbing. Nothing major, but highly ANNOYING. Has anyone dealt with two kids while they were in annoying pain? It’s not horrible, but they seem to just bug you that much more.

I think my irritation started well before the dentist office. I’m such the sweet wife, that I scheduled my dentist appointment on a morning that Rt was in preschool and during Hola’s naptime. That way, since hubs had to stay home and work, he would have the best of all worlds. And that there lies the problem. It wasn’t the best of my world. I could have been home today enjoying the HELL out of The Biggest Loser ALL ALONE while the baby took an hour and half nap.

BUT NO.

I was in the dentist chair, drool running down my face, GLEEK on my forehead, and half of my face useless while in talks with my dentist. You know, the one that I have had dreams about. GOOD GOD.

I ended up not having to pluck any random nose hairs, but at the last minute I scrubbed my tongue before heading out the door. DUDE. If I hadn’t, I would have been super mortified. Let me just say, it’s not ideal to coat your insides with Hot Chocolate before sharing your oral business.

Ok, so maybe I can add to my daily nugget list….

It happened to take place last night, (still counts, right?) It prevented me from watching the beginning of The Biggest Loser, so I call that a MAJOR sacrifice for the nugget good.

Hubs and I downloaded our checking account into Quicken. (Hello, hubs worked for the company for 7 years and we had never attempted doing this.) And then proceeded to label each entry into its own category. (Complete Snore.) But it’s done and that is a big ‘ol check off the procrastination list.

Now, if the clothes that I just dried in the dryer come out smelling sour, I know a certain someone (me) left them alone a little too long in the washer. Guess that might of happened when I was kicking ass and taking names in other areas of my life. It’s always something!

And you? Any nuggets to share today?

e

I awoke to having a wild little hair up my ass.

I just didn’t stop. And I loved it.

*****

Beds were stripped and made again. (With clean sheets of course.)

1 load of laundry folded. (It was dry in the dryer, so it wasn’t brain surgery.)

Balanced check book. (THANK GOD. This was a big whopper. Feels sooo good.)

Workout out at the gym. (Got my ass kicked in 30 minutes. It so rocked.)

Deposited check.  (I’ve been known to misplace checks, so this was a major win/win.)

MAILED NETFLIX DVD. (I have been sitting on this same movie I NEVER saw for EIGHT MONTHS.) Don’t ask.

*****

Tomorrow I plan to do nothing to make up for today.

Actually, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so no rest for me. My dentist has a son in Rt’s preschool class. I dream about him too often. It’s awful. I won’t be able to look at him while he has his hands in my mouth.

Must pluck any viewable nose hairs stat.

e

Going off of my last post, I am going to write a post every day with “little nuggets” of achievement. They can be WAY BIG or super small, depending on the day. I’m going to keep tabs here to inspire myself to do SOMETHING that makes me feel ahead of my game. I hope to inspire myself to make the day count on my terms.

If you’d like, you can leave your little nugget in my comments to keep yourself in check, if you’re so inclined!

Here’s mine for today:

Hola took a 30 MINUTE NAP this morning while I had the whole place to myself while Rt was at preschool. Major bummer for him and me. I decided not to fight it cause  I would rather spend my precious time watching my dvr’d shows from last night WITH the baby in tow, than wrestling with him to go back to sleep all morning long.

This afternoon, he took a 45 MINUTE NAP. (Look, baby, I know you are dealing with all sorts of teething issues, but you’ve got to sleep wee little one.) So, instead of giving up I decided to help get him back to sleep no matter what moves I had to pull. After less than 10 minutes of continually placing him back on his tummy after he sat up, he gave in (with a major fight and wail) and FELL ASLEEP. ahhhhhhh. Seems patting butts really does do wonders in my house.

SO, as I write this, he has been sleeping 2 hours and probably will be a smiling roly poly when he wakes.

I call that a HUGE victory with less effort than I thought. And that is my little nugget for today.

e

Have you ever heard of the saying “There’s just not enough time in the day?” Well, I guess it’s not a “saying”, rather something we’ve all heard from oodles of people over the years.

While I do agree with the statement, I don’t want to.

It’s hard enough for me to last the current 24 hours without being utterly exhausted. Why would I want to add MORE hours to my day just to be MORE spent?

I would like to change the current statement.

How about, “There is just too much to do in a day.”

or

“I wish I had less to do in a day.”

Yes, that sounds just about right in my book.

Hubs and I were on a lengthy walk with the boys yesterday off in the (paved trails) woods. We were discussing success. What was our version of success? What did it look like? Now that hubs is out of the house, and not working from home anymore, our days couldn’t be more different. He, who just started a new job, is just getting his hands dirty. Along with that comes frustration cause things are not second nature just yet.

While our jobs are different, I, too, am starting a new job (two kids), definitely getting my hands dirty on an hourly basis, and become quite frustrated that things are just not quite second nature yet.

And no, I do not have high expectations of what my day should look like, I just HAVE expectations that my day will have some sort of feeling of “ahhhhh” accomplishment. And while most days do have a glimmer of the sink is empty, or 2 loads of laundry are cleaned and folded, there still lies the task of emptying the dishwasher so there will be more room to put the dirty dish you just used to eat that morsel of something bland during that 3 minutes you took to feed yourself during lunch OR, now that the laundry is folded, you have to put that shit back somewhere, otherwise you’ve got piles of clean shit all over the place.

Hubs and I have put money aside to hire a house cleaner, so I can spend more time focusing on the kids, “maintain” a clean household (easier said than done, right?) and work on other things that have me in mind, outside of the house/kids. We have recently gone through 3 cleaners in 6 months. And during those entire 6 months, only 1 person has come to clean our house. The other attempts have been no-shows, confusion on times, sick at last minute etc. BUT in all these instances, I’ve had to go around my entire house AND PUT AWAY EVERYTHING so he/she could see what was needed to be cleaned. That makes for major work that never quite paid off.

Now, it is nice to reset the house here and there, but come on! I need some sparkly, shiny toilets and I’m not getting any. (Actually, I just cleaned them myself the other day and it was nice to look down to a glistening bowl, but it took a good chunk of my time and if anyone can recall what a mobile 9 month old looks like, it looks like one who likes to touch and stand near toilet bowls with glee. (and eat detergent out of the dish washer door, and push the trash can around the kitchen like a walker.) So, my point is, I don’t have time for it and my offspring won’t let me even if I did have the time.

At any time of the day, I feel like I am feeding somebody something. Whether it be a bottle, itty bitty finger foods that take SO LONG to prepare, to that “one more snack” that is needed before dinner, I just can’t seem to park my ass down. And when I do park my ass, all I see around me are “things” that need to be taken care of. Bills, RANDOM PILES OF MAIL staring at me, that one random used diaper that just can’t seem to make it to the trash can outside. Luckily, I can choose to ignore some of that stuff and take that needed break, but something else always suffers. And that’s annoying.

So, back to the theme of this here post. Success. What does a day in my life look like if I am successful? I don’t know. It’s a feeling for sure, but I know I am never satisfied. I have moments of patting myself on the back for this and that, but it’s a never ending job that’s criteria is redefined on a daily basis. I guess I should be thankful for so much leg-room, but really, where is my time card? I need to clock-out and hit the bar.

e

nothing deep or anything.

Just thought I would write some things down, cause that seems to be what everybody else is doing. And, since I was once a follower back in the high school days (fun times!), I guess I’ll do some reflecting too, just for that girl’s sake.

Hmm, let’s see. Around this time last year, I was heading in to the final stretches of pregnancy with Hola. (Well, I was 25 weeks, but I was already feeling quite stretched.) It is a major kick to go back and read what I was thinking/feeling during those times. (what a wonderfully naive mother-of-one I was who complained about being bored and having nothing to do. ohhh, sigh.) (major eye-roll to that chippy.)

As I am typing this, Rt is sitting here spelling words on Curious George and Hola is standing, holding onto the couch, growling at me. Man, what a difference a year makes.

I feel lucky in many ways regarding 2008. (Cause 2007 sucked major donkey balls.)

Nobody in my family passed away this year. (NOTHING is worse. Absolutely nothing.)

I had a wonderfully non-eventful pregnancy, (SO GRATEFUL) unlike the year before.

I had another beautiful baby boy. (Who I can’t get ENOUGH OF, EVER.)

My oldest son started preschool. (I’m SO PROUD of my little boy. He’s a good egg.)

He also was potty trained, transferred to a big boy bed, AND gave up his paci, accidentally, 10 days after his brother was born. (Big year for the little guy!)

Hubs and I were able to get away for 5 days to NYC to spend some quality time together.(ahhhhhhh. so. needed.)

I went to Seattle  w/o kids to see my OU Sooners play football (Go Sooners!!) and met new blogging friends.

************

I think the biggest change that took place over this past year was me.

I have changed. I am Refreshed. Renewed. (I have gotten more sleep.) I have become someone I had hoped I would be. I am a mother of two children who can handle so much more than I thought I ever could. (Clearly, I should become a juggler.) I am more stable now with two children than I was with one. (It’s a balance thing.) I am more at peace with my family of four. (I have lost most brain power.)

I am happy. I am calm.

I am thankful.

Here’s to 2009.

e