Just one last thing on the strip tease photo. Someone reminded me that I forgot to mention a “funny ha ha”.

Besides being on stage with two oiled men with pimples on their behinds, (yes, one guy made me slap the other guy’s buns while he was facing downward on his hands and banana seat resting nicely on my lap.) I had a darling skirt on that I had recently purchased at a San Fran consignment store. (high fashion, huh?) The skirt was nicely form fitted and required a “less is more” approach in the lingerie department. (who am I kidding, my options were probably granny panties or “on sale” victoria secret thongs.) So, with my hands tied, I went out on the town pantie-less for probably the second time ever. How was I supposed to know one of the strippers would try to pick up one of my legs to use it as his personal horsey? Especially in front of everyone and their veils? I quickly gave him the Heisman and he moved on to the next embarrassing gyration.

To top off the YMCA number, I tripped and fell down the stairs as I was leaving the stage. I was currently on my second beer when this happened. Poor sober bachelorette.

At least some gal asked me in the bathroom if I had just won a pageant. I happened to be wearing a tiara at the time. I knew she had a screw loose, but I was flattered none-the-less.

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Thought I would go back in time, say 5 years, when life was simple and butts were plenty. My first trip to Vegas happened to be my bachelorette party and this photo represents our banana seat rockin time together. I feel comfortable in showing this photo because my eyes are closed. Wait, what? I was on stage, at a BAR, WITH NAKED MEN? C’est la vie…

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p.s. I just showed hubs this late evening post and he said I would lose visitors due to the raunchy photo. Say it isn’t so.

At the request of LVGurl, I have provided the recipe for the corn I made the other night. Now, of course, we all know how much nutritional value is in a cob of corn, (little-to-none compared to all of it’s green friends), but come on, carb a little, you have to indulge once in awhile. Enjoy!

Foil-Wrapped Corn on the Cob with Lime-Chile Butter

Preheat grill. In a small bowl, whisk together melter butter, lime juice, chili powder, and salt. Brush mixture on corn and wrap each cob in foil, covered completely and sealing the ends together. Grill corn over medium heat, turning with tongs a quarter turn every 5 to 6 minutes, until kernels are juicy when punctured with a sharp knife, about 25 minutes.

*All I did was place the corn on the foil and add all of the ingredients beside it, pad of butter and all. Wrapped and grilled. Turned out just as good, if not better.

So, Yesterday I was inspired (got a wild hair up my ass) to cook dinner from a cookbook. What? It’s not part of my everyday existence to cook from a recipe? I am lucky enough to remember I ever purchased a cookbook, let alone make a crease in one. (Actually, I am a mean cook when I have said hair up my ass.)

Last nights menu included lime-soy-honey-garlic grilled chicken, lime-chile-buttered grilled corn on the cob, and a baby spinach salad followed by angel food FREAKIN cake with chocolate syrup.

Clearly I had some lime theme going. I did happen to purchase a 12 pack of Tecate (which is the only “affordable” beer at Safeway at $10.99) to complete my creation. All I have to say is my “Big Book of Easy Suppers” is a super hit and will be getting some more creases before you know it. The chicken was major tender and the corn was FLIPPIN AMAZING. Grilling is truly fabulous. Reasons for that being, A) Hubs has to cook both items, since I am not the griller in the family B) No mess IN the kitchen C) No heat coming from the stove that increases my Utility Bill over $189 (kiss my grits) Wait, I have a gas stove and that is covered by my gas bill. Never-mind, but you get the picture….can’t you?

I have no idea where the angel food cake came from. Well, it was FROM the cookbook, but I wasn’t making no strawberry sauce. I dug the “buy the cake at the store” bit, but not the “make the sauce” part. (get rid of all the quotes, will ya already?) Anywho, dessert was a total bonus to the tasty dinner, but I would recommend one thing. Don’t use actual chocolate syrup, like Hershey’s. Buy Hot Fudge Sauce. It doesn’t soak up in the cake as much and goes much better with the side of chocolate ice cream. mmm.

So, ideas for tonight’s dinner……………………………..thinking……………………….yup, still thinking………….fuck. I hate having to decide this part. Any thoughts?

One word. It has to be EASY.

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p.s. As I am finishing this post, Rt is crying “MORE MICKEY MOUSE” “WAAAAAH”. My recess is over my friends. Poop…

The only thing scheduled on my calendar today was an appointment with my O.B.G.Y.N. I had no “real” reason to see him and wondered whether or not I should even go, but I had a few concerning questions. (rated G, not R, so don’t panic you one dude that reads me) Since there weren’t any thorough exams happening, I thought I could get away with taking Rt with me and give my girlfriend a break from watching him so much this past month.

I was running late (totally trying to finish the last 3 episodes of ANTM Season…. “Nicole Winner”) and signed in at the front desk with seconds to spare. Of course, we got to sit there for 20 minutes while Rt ran, jumped, climbed, ate and “worked it” in front of his audience. Luckily, he was quite entertaining and flirty, so the time flew by. Then, my named was called and away we went.

Once inside, the nurse asked for me to step on the scale. (And what was the purpose of that? hello? I have questions, not weight gain.) Once inside the exam room she took my blood pressure. (Again, what is the purpose? I am here for chit chatter, nothing more!) Lastly, she asked me the first day of my last cycle. (Sorry, one guy who reads me, if you are still here) I felt the need to defend my valid reasons for coming to the OB, and all of a sudden, I blurted out “I’m not pregnant!” She calmly said she knew, she just needed it for documentation. Ooops. Sorry Miss Nurse Lady, didn’t mean to shove that down your throat.

Doc made an appearance not long after my altercation and seemed very willing to hear my latest. All I really wanted to know was if the back pain I had been having could have caused my miscarriage. (I have recently read that chronic pain can also be psychological related as well as physical. I needed a mind pick-me up to help me resolve my pain.) He assured me that my ailments seemed more muscular than anything else and didn’t believe my aches were due to anything fertility related. PHEW MO FO EEEEE!

After plenty of other random, hurried questions, I was sent on my way with a new perspective on me and my “flaws”.

Note to self: Continue to ice, heat, and repeat. And get your ass back to that acupuncture wonderboy, STAT!

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While hubs and I are making tons of whoopie while drinking wine and eating bon bons, I need you to do something for me. While you were trying to conceive (”ttc”), what were you told to do to make your odds better of getting prego? Or, if you have never gotten prego, what’s the word on the street? Enlighten me on the tricks of the trade people. The stranger and more bizarre the better. Or, if there is something quite straight forward, add it in there too. Let me see what creative little minds you have. Here, I’ll start.

By placing a piece of bread underneath your mattress while ttc, you will become pregnant. (I think this is some old German wives’ tale, but I did try it while ttc with Rt and it worked! Now ask me how long it took to remove said piece of bread from underneath my mattress. I kinda forgot about it after all the excitement.)

Now it’s your turn. Bring it. That means you too, lurker.

Rt really is my cat’s meow, but he sure pressed the limit all damn day.  Hubs was out of town, so the kid and I had only each other to entertain. Clearly, I didn’t do a very good job. I spent most of the day defending myself from the invasion of toddler, warning said toddler not to do so-in-so again, then placing same toddler in timeout. 4 times.

The only saving grace I had was to run errands. As many as I could find. Even if I didn’t have any errands to run, it wasn’t stopping the trips I made around town. Just needed to burn the clock. What mattered was he was in the backseat and I was in the front. Both of us were happy. The morning drive session included a trip to Target. While shopping, I found the Doc Hudson race car from the movie, CARS or as Rt likes to call him “Hi Folks”. It seems that is what Doc Hudson says first thing in his book. Cute none-the-less! Following Target was a trip “across town” to Sonic for a Vanilla Diet Coke. The morning was looking up.

Once the afternoon nap failed, we hit the road again. Post office, Walgreen’s, Bank and Chipotle for a quick and easy dinner. Bath, milk and bed all by 6:30p.m. The little nugget was out by 6:45p.m.

Currently dining on gummy bears and beer. And what am I watching? ANTM marathon. Righteous.

May tomorrow bring us lots of hugs and cuddles and by all means, A PLAYGROUP!

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So, it has been brought to my attention that my website in IE7 looks like a freak-show. I apologize to the 21% of you using IE7. The only thing I manipulated in the past 48 hours was the color of a link in a post. Clearly, this template is SENSITIVE. What do you see in IE6? Let me know you 24% you.

Hopefully, I will have my revamp vamped, or close to it,  by Monday. I’ve got hubs all to myself this weekend. His expertise is obviously needed.

Until then, enjoy the crank that I have provided.

cheers!

e

Hubs was out of town last night, so if there were any 2 yr old wakings in the night, it would be up to me to “fix the problem”. Luckily, neither Rt nor I stirred until I heard him at 5:20am. I went in and settled him back to bed. 30 minutes later, and no falling back asleep for me, Rt began protesting again. This time I told him it was too early and I would come back to get him when it was time to wake up. (I was truly thinking to myself, “ya, right, like he is actually going to listen to me. whatever.”) All of a sudden, it was 6:40am and Rt was happily up for the day. I am pretty sure I fell back asleep because I felt better than I did 45 minutes before. So, I chalk it up to a good morning because as you know, it can always be MUCH worse.

After a breakfast of bananas and French Toast, (not me, Rt. I am sitting here still hungry cause I am out of hot chocolate mix. I am major pissed.) Rt requested his morning milk. I suggested changing his stanky diaper before enjoying his morning latte. While I was getting rid of the business, Rt decided to play with his piper for the 100th time this week. He noticed a small piece of business on his package and brought it to my attention.

“Taco.”

What is the deal with this taco thing anyway? I am seeing a pattern here.

BTW, Rt has named his penis. Well, he has renamed his penis when it is, how should I say this, upright.

He’s named it “Big Bump.”

nice.

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I plan on devoting an entire post to my fab ass weekend in Vegas, but I am waiting on a photo from LVGurl to complete my thoughts, so until then, I have got to tell you about this thing called Bowen.

For the past three months I have been suffering from lower back pain. What seemed to be routine monthly back aches turned into constant dull pain. My first thought was to go to an acupuncturist knowing they could also put in a couple needles in the fertility areas and give me a little somethin somethin. However, the day I called, the guy was out of town for two weeks, so I saw the chiropractor until the acupuncture guy returned.

3 weeks/3 sessions with the chiropractor later, my back was feeling better, but not cured. I have never been a chiro girl to begin with. I am more of a physical therapy kinda chic, but hey, when you have pain of any kind, you try just about anything.

Last Friday, before heading to Vegas, I went to the acupuncturist. I must say, the whole experience was super cool and quite lovely. Spending time listening to waterfall music and resting peacefully while the pins did their magic was ideal. Who doesn’t need a little R n R? The jury is still out regarding the success of my visit, but my back did hold up quite well during my weekend away. And for those of you who think acupuncture hurts, you are mistaken. Flick your finger on your arm. That’s about it.

I returned from Vegas yesterday and was able to get in to see this guru guy my friend Amy referred me to. She told me she went in to see him with a swollen knee problem. By the next day, the swelling was gone and her ailment was cured. I was skeptical, but more intrigued by the guru and couldn’t wait to see him. The basis behind his magic is called Bowen. The entire visit was a trip. Just by looking at me stand, he knew my right hip was higher than my left and tilted forward. He asked me if the weight of my body was resting on the front of my right foot and the heel of my left. He was correct. I truly was a mess. After a lot of random thumb pressings on “hot spots” to relax my muscles, he began to work on my back. After he finished, my legs measured the same length and my back laid flat on the floor. (my back was naturally “arching”) Once the session was over, I stood up and felt my body weight in the middle of both feet. I was truly dumbfounded. I am to return once more next week to check on my progress. He said if we didn’t nip it all in the bud, he knew of one other area that may need some attention to cure me for good. Bottom line, my hunch was correct. I was truly messed up.

This journey I have been on has been frightful. I have only broken bones or sprained appendages here and there, but I have never dealt with something that affects so much of your daily existence. The fear of never being the same again is overwhelming. I think I am on the right road. Hopefully, by next week I will feel just like I used to. Today, I feel better than I have in months.

Here goes everything.

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