What we thought was going to be an enjoyable family reunion camping in Yosemite with over 30 of hub’s extended family turned into hoping the 4 1/2 yr old wouldn’t vomit for a 6th time, cause there was no other place to put it.

I know. Gross.

Just think how we felt stuck in a tent in 30 degree weather dealing with the mess? There is only so much you can do under those circumstances. I recall looking at hubs around the 3:30am mark wondering if there was anything worse than WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO US IN THAT VERY MOMENT? (Yes, there are plenty of things that are worse,) but this was, MESSY.

And it stunk.

And I don’t do well in the smell department.

All was well, at first. We got to our campsite late afternoon on Friday. We set up our tent, the pack ‘n play was assembled, and the food was stored in the bear bins. (You can leave NOTHING out because the bears, squirrels, and crow birds will come and destroy everything for that one peanut m & m you left behind.)

Rt had drank a large amount of water when we got there, then complained of a stomach ache not long after. He did look a little peak-ed but he had only barfed once before in his life, during the night, so we had no idea what to look for in regards to “signs of the puke a coming.”

Hubs carried him around a bit, hoping he’d come around soon. Moments later, he heard some gurgling sounds and immediately turned him around and leaned him over. Round 1 complete! Moments later Round 2 showed its horrible self.

And that was that.

This is where it got confusing. Was it car sickness? He had played his Leapster almost the whole way down, so we thought that may had been it. OR, it could have been the NASTY chicken planks he ate from Burger King. It was so nice they had apple fries and a low fat milk to go with his order, but those fried pieces of friedness with a bit o’ chicken in the middle is no healthy eating. We thought the food could have been the culprit.

Rt started to perk up, began playing more with the other kids and seemed mostly himself by dinner time. So, what did we give him? Mac ‘n cheese, a smore, and another marshmallow for good measure. He was put to bed around 8:30pm and we really didn’t think much more of it.

HOW COULD WE BE SO WRONG?

We didn’t check back in with the tent until 10:30pm. As I unzipped the zipper, I smelled a hint of something just “wrong” coming from inside. I made my discovery known and hubs went in with a flashlight to scope out the situation. We saw a little bit on his pillow in front of his face and honestly thought it wasn’t all that bad until hubs rolled him back some more to see he was sleeping in a whole PILE of mess.

DUDE.

So, we stripped the pillowcase, took off his sleeper (the only warm item we had for him to sleep in) along with his long underwear top. We had to put the remains in the bear bin so the animals wouldn’t come after it, but the thought of adding those clothes next to our food was even more nauseating. We then used a few dozen wipes to “clean” the sleeping bag edges and got in bed for a long, long, night of really no sleep.

12:45am, the gurgling sound again. In 2 seconds flat, the barf bag was put under his face while the other person turned on the overhead tent light. Small mess, but the ordeal woke the toddler who was doing JUST FINE in his pack ‘n play up until we disturbed his sleep.

So, I put him in my bag, the light was turned off and we hoped, again, to fall asleep at SOME POINT in the night.

3:30am. Cough cough. We now have hit the dry heave stage. THANK GOD. As the boy was recovering from his last effort, he mentioned how he didn’t like throwing up. Poor thing! We got through it, even faster than the time before and we all settled in for the night, once again. (Not sure, even at this point, if we had fallen asleep at all. Maybe 30 minutes?)

7:15am DAY LIGHT. HOORAH!!!! (so 7:15 minus 3:30 = 3 hours and change of sleep. Not TOO bad.)

The first thing Rt said when we all of us got up was, “I love camping!”

Got to love that kid. Luckily, that was the last of the vomit sessions and he came around as the day went on. We had a blast, spent lots of time with family, took a couple of bike rides around the valley gazing at all the rock formations, enjoyed some great campfire food, and took a large amount of photos to capture the moments forever.

Can’t wait to go back next year.

e

So, I am starting a new series here called “Nothing’s Worse.” Each time I post, it will be concerning a new topic. Now, of course, I know, and you know there are many things worse in life, but if you can humor me, I’ll humor you, ok? mmmmk.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the fact that I actually HAD a spa day is something to be thrilled over, but I was sick. I am still sick for that matter. So I tried my hardest to ignore my shortcomings and enjoy the hell out of my day.

I had been given two gift certificates to a new spa in town from my mommy-girlfriends and hubs over the past 6 months. I finally cashed them in and was ready to be pampered. I arrived at the spa and was immediately offered a glass of champagne. Classy! Who cares if it’s 11:15am. I’m off-duty, let’s drink up! I sat down to wait for my appointment and began to sip.

“We’re ready for you now.”

Wait, what?

Nothing’s worse than having a lovely drink, but no time to drink it.

By the time I got back to my room, made a last minute trip to the bathroom, and was told to get undressed and into massage position, there was no time for toddie!

Once I was face down in my massage position, and had stashed a small amount of kleenex in my underwear, the massage lady came back and began what was close to the best massage I ever had. HOWEVER,

Nothing’s worse when said massage lady notices random stash of kleenex in client’s underwear while she was rubbing up and down the outer thigh.

I felt the need to explain my need for the kleenex, but no matter what I said, I sounded more and more like a major ass doily.

Most people don’t know it’s not a good idea to drink alcohol while suffering from a cold. It can make someone 5000 times more stuffy than they were before they had anything to drink.

Nothing’s worse than having a stuffy nose times 5000 anytime, anywhere.

After being on my stomach for most of the entire hour, what had been a 5000 times stuffy nose due to the few sips of champagne, now had become drippy schmippy due to the lovely faced-down positioning.

Nothing’s worse than dripping nasal mucus on the floor of a massage room.

I literally looked down and was relieved that I hit the rug carpet and not the cement floor.

***

After my massage, the facial lady came in. She, like the massage lady, did a lovely job.

HOWEVER,

We all know they like to get all crazy in the scalp region during a facial. And that is all fine and dandy, BUT in the past month, due to some hormonal shift in the “had a baby 9 months ago” worlds, I have a small case of dry scalp. Let me say this, I have NEVER had dry scalp like this. NEVER. AND, at the same time, my face broke out around my laugh line on one side of my face.

Nothing’s worse than someone, ANYONE running their fingers, NAILS for that matter, through your scalp, when your scalp is going through some kind of FUNK.

I could just picture her after the facial wondering what the hell was under her nails and talking to all her salon friends laughing at me.

I complained to her about my face, asking her what she thought was the reason behind my random breakout. She didn’t really have a clue, which I find so interesting coming from somebody who SHOULD KNOW what’s going on with my face.

Nothing’s worse when someone who should know what they’re saying, pulls something out of the ass and says, “I don’t know, maybe it’s like Rosacea.”

***

Once my facial was over, I wasn’t quite finished for the day. I made my way over to the hair salon across town.

Nothing’s worse than showing up at a hair salon with a greasy, extracted, red face while wearing greasy, “visible root showing” hair on top of your head.

All I said to my hairdresser was, “Fix me.”

And she did.

And then I went home.

Nothing’s worse than going home after a long day by yourself, being pampered, “fixed”, and knowing you won’t be doing that again for A REALLY LONG TIME.

e